I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
