please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you didnt know i had herpes?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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