and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
