she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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