my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Boobs speak an international language.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
