my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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