my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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