I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
