All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
