I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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