I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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