dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
