I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
and i looked up. we had an audience...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
