In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
