I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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