i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
