dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So apparently I’m into choking now
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