i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
