I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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