The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
