I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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