oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize