im drinking this country out of the recession.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
