i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
