After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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