Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
