I seem to have left my pride at pride
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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