so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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