wakey wakey hands off snakey
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
