speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The air taste purple.
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