It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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