Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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