So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize