You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
