Farmville is her only friend.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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