Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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