my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
