Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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