I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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