my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
