I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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