Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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