I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
