HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
