I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
