My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It's just like the Real World with babies
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
