i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
