Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
