is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize
