When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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