i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
