He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
