remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
