If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
