he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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