She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
