Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
