Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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