You just made me feel so damn special
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
