Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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