Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
this is an emotional support booty call
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize