You're a womanizer and a bitch.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
