I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
