I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
