I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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