I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
3pm strippers are depressing
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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