What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
