I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
