So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I am spending my child support on dildos
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
When are your genitals available?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
