Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
