I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
