I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
BRING THE BAGELS
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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