you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
my poor anus
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