glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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