Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
