So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
