New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
