Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
