I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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