That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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