This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
