he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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