Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
