My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
