The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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